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Several years ago when I went to coaching school, part of the process of learning to help others was to first work on fixing the things in my life that weren’t quite right. You know, the things that bug you, sap the energy from you, keep you from living your best life. You know, those things called tolerations.
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In one of our classes, we were asked to write down all the things we were tolerating in our lives.
At first, I wasn’t sure what to write down. But before too long, the pen was gliding on the paper like a figure skater on the ice. The tolerations were pouring out of me faster than I could write them down. After a mere 15 minutes, I had over 100 tolerations down on paper.
Now none of them were earth-shattering — but all together they were just the type of annoyances that bogged me down and stopped my creative energy from flowing. I spent the next several years working on removing the tolerations in my life.
As a result of that exercise, I became acutely aware if a toleration was sneaking back into my life. I worked and continue to work diligently to remove tolerations as soon as I possibly can. I often can completely side step a toleration by not allowing certain events, people or circumstances into my life at all.
Yes, people can be a source of tolerations: sometimes the biggest source. You know the kind of people I’m talking about here – the drama queens, the people who monopolize your time, the chronic complainers, people you don’t like but feel you have to put up with because they’re part of your family.
So, how do you stop tolerating the crap in your life?
It’s important first to understand what a toleration is and why you allow yourself to put up with them.
Tolerations are the things you put up with every day that distract you from other more important things. Sometimes the underlying source of the continued toleration is to avoid taking full responsibility for a particular circumstance or issue in your life.
These tolerations typically hold you back from reaching your goals. They stand in your way of achieving everything you want in your life. When you handle the toleration, you make room to achieve what you want; you free up time and energy to devote to creating a higher quality of life.
Drama is a source of energy. So are the rest of your tolerations. Your tolerations zap your energy and keep you from using that energy into producing something more positive in your life.
It’s vital to living your best life to rid yourself of tolerations.
1. Write It Out
Use the form I created for you and write out all of your tolerations. What are you tolerating in your home, relationships, work, and community?
You can keep adding to the list if you need be. Even if you don’t know how to resolve the toleration, put it down on the list anyways. Putting it down on paper is a worthwhile activity. The solution will come.
2. Ask yourself the following questions:
How do my tolerations work for me?
Why do I have tolerations in my life?
Am I ready to find another source of energy?
What are alternative sources of positive energy?
What would life look life without tolerations?
Examine your list of tolerations and look for “pivotal” tolerations. Pivotal tolerations are tolerations you’re putting up with that when handled, will resolve other tolerations automatically. For example, if you’re tolerating making a low-income, resolving this toleration will clear up other tolerations that will be handled by the increase in money.
4.Handle It At the Source
It’s not good enough to just handle the toleration. You must dig deep and get to the source of the issue, or the problem will reappear, sometimes in a different form. Ways in which you can handle the source is to set up an automatic system (if you’re chronically late paying bills), resolving the problem, telling the truth, etc.
Benefits of Being Toleration Free
Being tolerant-free is like removing a huge weight off your shoulder. You’ve probably felt that kind of relief before. Now it’s time to do it again and again and again until you’ve resolved and removed all the tolerations in your life.
When you’re free of tolerations, you will stop trying to manage the very situations that drain your energy. They’re gone, and instead, you’re left with the energy to create your life they way you want it.
You grow more quickly as a person when you remove the tolerations. Removing tolerations in your life is a huge personal growth exercise. Lot’s of people will struggle with this, but if you can move past your fear and start eliminating them, you’ll soon find you’re a happier, more content person.
You become a model for others on how to live a tolerant free life. You’re in a position to show others they don’t have to tolerate crap either. You can share this valuable lesson with your children early on in their development. You can show other’s what’s possible for them too.
Putting up with things isn’t useful for anyone. Understand that when you’re putting up with tolerations, you’re stunting your personal growth and development.
Be willing to commit to ridding yourself of tolerating crap in your life and living a tolerant free lifestyle. In the end, you’ll be a happier, more content person, free to put your energy into doing the things that fill your soul.